Me and Myself

The little me and I are sitting on the porch and as the little me tries to make small talk, she gets a taste of post-modernism. Jumping across time and space, here is an imaginary conversation between me and myself.

Little me: Hey don’t you think Sandra looks pretty in that pink dress??
Adult me: Do you realize how politically incorrect that statement is! Sandra is pretty because you find her face aesthetically pleasing? You just openly engaged in body-shaming. Didn’t your school teach you that beauty is but skin deep? But you didn’t just stop there, you associated the color pink with her because of her gender.

Little me: Umm… I what?
Adult me: I’m not blaming you. All this is the result of the beauty standards that are being shamelessly propagated in visual media. I’m fed up of body-shaming and racist behavior!

Little me: Oh! I didn’t realize what I was doing. Okay I got to go now, I’m heading to the supermarket to get some milk for the blind man next door, he promised me some chocolate chip cookies!
Adult me: Obnoxious. Firstly you do not refer to him as “Blind-man”, he has a name. And we use the euphemism “Visually impaired” but there is a certain level of political incorrectness to that term as well, so now we use the term “Visually challenged”. And you’re helping him because he’s giving you a couple of cookies? This is how corruption slowly but steadily creeps into the society and grows to become a vicious monster that you cannot break away from! The helping tendency in people has just vanished over time. You accept cookies today but later you’ll start demanding them, the idea of bribery will corrupt your mind and at some point it will manage to kill your conscience completely and then you will shamelessly demand bribes for all your duties.

Little me: Too many big words. I didn’t understand half of them but you make me sound like a despicable person. I do not drink or smoke and I’m not a homo-sexual.
Adult me: I can’t  believe you just said that, you narrow-minded homo-phobic! Would you like it if I point at somebody and force you to marry them? That’s exactly what you homo-phobics are up to. Who are you to decide for others or set boundaries for them? Why do you think people who smoke and drink are despicable? Drinking and smoking is not illegal. It’s a choice and it is ridiculous to judge people based on the choices they make. They are not despicable. People like you, ARE!

Little me: Homo what? You have a point about people’s choices. But surely you’re not talking for women, are you? I mean women can’t smoke and drink. My teacher says they are pillars that hold up a society’s ethnicity and culture.
Adult me: I’m talking for people and I think women are people too! Culture? What culture? You call discrimination and unfair treatment of people as culture? Then culture can go f*ck itself.

Little me: You speak so many big words but you don’t know “culture”. You’re full of surprises! And don’t you think men are physically stronger?
Adult me: Now that’s a ridiculous assumption! I’m not even going to argue with you over that.

Little me: Hey, I can’t be that bad. I’m a spiritual person and I go to the temple regularly!
Adult me: (*Chuckles.) Murderers go to church, rapists go to the temple. Have you ever wondered how many murderers and rapists and paedophiles have been under the same roof as you? Do you still think that somebody is “good” because they go to church? You know what I’d call you? A religious fanatic, that’s what you are! I can’t believe how blind you are. What if “God” was just a fib made up by a person when he was high on LSD?

Little me: There’s no peedo file under my roof. What’s a peedo file? Hey, what are you trying to say?
Adult me: You’re shallow, you’re a male-chauvinist, you’re insensitive and you engage in moral policing, you are a big hypocrite and a homo-phobic. In addition to that you are a religious fanatic who judges people and who imposes your ideologies on others. You have been socially conditioned into a narrow-minded fool.

Little me: Because I thought Sandra looked pretty? Wait a minute, I know why you’re calling me names. You’re jealous of Sandra! I don’t like you. Bye.
Adult me: *Facepalm!!!